Belong

I do not belong anywhere. I do not necessarily not belong, but there is no place or group of people where I feel like I belong. I am Swiss but I live in the USA. I in no way consider myself to be American but while I may refer to myself as Swiss, I don't feel like a belong in Switzerland either, having lived in American for 11 years. I don't belong in any specific school, to me Carmel would be no worse that University, in fact, I'm going to Carmel next year. There is no group of people to which I belong to. I have friends and I like them a lot, but I don't feel like I belong with them. It is difficult to explain, I do not not belong, and being with them is the closest feeling to belonging I have. I am close with many of them, but I feel no sense of belonging. The same applies to my family, I love them dearly, I would gladly die for them, but I feel no sense of belonging. Whenever I see those family movies, with the bonding between father or son, or brother or sister, or daughter or mother, all I can do is wonder if such strong bonds between family can possibly exist. They are my family, and once again with them its the closest I can come to belonging, but I do not belong. While other people have shaped my views on life, and how I am, No person or place other than myself is part of my identity. I am me because of myself.
There is nothing sad about not belonging. There is nothing bad about it. I can experience love, friendship, hate, and everything else that comes with living and dying. I'll just be a perpetual outsider. This has many advantages, first off I can't tell the difference between belonging and not belonging, so I can't answer. Second, I have little trouble leaving places, but have little reason do so. It always makes me laugh when someone says how much they want to leave a place, because you can tell that they afraid that they wont leave, and most times they don't. I know I'm going to leave, I just have no idea where I'll end up. If you don't belong anywhere you can go anywhere you want.